Happy Memorial Day May 31, 2010

Yesterday, my husband, sons and I went to the Houston Zoo. In the Children’s Zoo section they have an injured American Bald Eagle who lives there. She has a gun pellet stuck in her joint permanently so she cannot fly well. The zoo rescued her and that is her new home. Heartbreaking that someone would injure any animal like that, but especially our beloved eagle.

I was watching her perched on a branch and admiring her incredible beauty. Her dark feather contrasting her white feathers, her yellow beak, her bright intelligent looking eyes taking in her environment, fully aware yet cautious of all her admirers. She was fascinating. I had to take a picture of her. Thank you to my brother for giving me his 200mm lens so I could zoom in on her face like that. Isn’t she a beauty?

We have our American flags up on our front yard today. We’ve had them all weekend. My kindergartener loves flags. He’s learned so much about flags in school this year. We all love our flag.

My husband came here as a child refugee from a war-ridden country that wanted to kill him for his religious beliefs. I came here as a child looking for a better life, for those streets paved in gold, because back home I wouldn’t have amounted to much more. This country took us both in and gave us the lives we have. It gave us so many opportunities. It gave us our educations, college, jobs, lives, our FREEDOM.

One of my favorite trips in the world is to tour our nation’s gorgeous capital, Washington DC. To see Abraham Lincoln sitting so royally, usually with a dove on his hand, or the Roosevelt waterfalls. Amazing. I love visiting DC. The most poignant part of the trip for me is always a tour of Arlington Cemetery. The first time I went the tour guide said “This is what the price of freedom is, people. Enjoy your freedom. They’ve paid for it.” And it gave me chills.

Now that my baby brother has enlisted as a Marine, it hits me a lot harder. He’s surely to be deployed soon and we’re all nervous wrecks about it. But it’s his choice, God’s will and his destiny. What God wills. But Memorial Day means a lot more to me now than it ever has.

It’s not just about hot dogs and burgers and beaches and parties… please take a moment to read about it and learn what it truly is about. In the meantime, enjoy your day with your family. And thank God and the USA for your freedom and liberty. Have a happy, safe, blessed and grateful Memorial Day.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memorial_Day

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93711?fp=1

American Eagle

I’m sorry. I love you. May 27, 2010

Recently, a wonderful friend of mine, who I affectionately like to call Sugar Nugget, turned me on to a subject called Ho’oponopono. Another friend of mine said it sounded scandalous. Silly rabbit. My mom and husband just looked at me like I spend too much time cooped up at home (not my fault). My brothers just continued doing whatever it was they were doing.

Anyway, Sugar Nugget, as we shall refer to him as in this post, described it as “a Hawaiian shamanic practice of forgiveness called ‘Ho’oponopono’…  The idea is to recognize yourself in others, acknowledge your oneness in the universe and whatever karmic connection you had in their wrong doing.”

He sent the following link about it and then signed his e.mail with “I’m sorry. I love you.” I thought he’d gone off the deep end. 😛 No offense, SN.

http://nourishedmagazine.com.au/blog/articles/ho%E2%80%99oponopono-lessons-from-hawaiian-shamanism

I was very intrigued. A way to make peace with myself and the world around me… Oh I long for tranquility…

So I looked up Joe Vitale and his books and purchased the book “Zero Limits.” He describes Self I-dentity through Ho’oponopono… where you try to clear energy with everything around you by asking God or the Divine for forgiveness for the erroneous thoughts within you that have caused problems for you and that person. You ask for forgiveness, you’re thankful and you say I love.  I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

I’ve noticed it helping me in some situations. At the very least, I feel more love toward myself… forgiving myself for things I’m too harsh on myself for. I’m forgiving myself for my own flaws and thus seeing others in a less harsh light. Seeing myself with more love and loving others more. I say my prayers with it, reading my Baha’i writings and clearing my energy and feeling so much lighter.

Still learning, still praying, still clearing energy… but feeling better. Getting there, little by little…

So thank you, my wonderful Sugar Nugget, for introducing me to something so helpful. I’m sorry. I love you, too.

Peace of I, everyone, Peace of I.

Why? May 26, 2010

So OBVIOUSLY, aside from this blog, I have several other facets to my life. You already know I’m a mama and a wife. I’m also a daughter and a sister. I’m a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter, an aunt, a friend, a woman. I’m a writer, a photographer, an editor, a worker… I have a life outside of here. 😛

I’m sitting here at my PC and I’m feeling quite blessed for it all today. Maybe because I was able to sleep well last night (mostly). Yay for new meds! Yay for health insurance to cover (most of) their costs! I’ve been having such a rough time with sleep and my doctor changed my medications around yesterday. It worked. Didn’t have to give me sleep medications, thankfully. Just adjust my anxiety medications. Like I’ve mentioned, I’m going through some really rotten stuff in my personal life. Try as hard as I do to be positive, it sometimes overcomes me. Other days I am able to ignore it but it seems to pop out at night. So I thank God for modern medicine that can sometimes help me out.

Or it may be because I truly love the palm tree right outside my window, in my backyard. Palm trees are one of my favorite beauties of nature. My true favorite tree is the weeping willow. If I had that in my backyard, I’d write under it with my laptop daily. Instead, I have a palm tree that I can admire from behind my window, in air conditioning. It’s currently 93 degrees out here in Houston. YICK! Palm trees remind me of Costa Rica, my birthland. They remind me of the beach (not that there’s one nearby – the man-made one down the block does NOT count). They remind me of tropical latin music and pina coladas. I love them.

Or it may be because I look up at the windows above my PC, along the upper edge of my wall, and see all my little decorative knick-knacks. I see a mini ox-cart, or carreta, from Costa Rica and just love it. I see the wooden carved elephant with a man riding on it from India, given to me from a dear friend.  I see the candle holder, with a painting of a mommy carrying her baby girl, that always reminds me of my my mom and I.  I see the crystal basket with potpourri, given to me by my mother-in-law. I see the wooden carved avocado from Costa Rica, given to me by my late grandma. ❤  I also see my collection of porcelain tea pots, the two sculptures of a couple dancing and the small sculpture of a mommy holding a baby. All of those knick-knacks mean so much to me. They make me smile and remind me of the bounties in my life.

Maybe I feel energized from the big old round of tag my 4-year-old and I played for a good half an hour. We ran around the house chasing each other, laughing, making silly noises, pretending to be pirates, zombies, ghosts, even Spongebob and Patrick (ugh). Nothing like the contagious giggling of a child to make your adrenaline run.

My 6 year old is about to graduate from kindergarten and my heart is swelling with motherly pride. That probably has a lot to do with it.

My husband has been a wonderful sweetheart lately, very affectionate and very helpful around the house. Hmmmm…

My family loves me no matter what spats we get into.

I also work for a site I really enjoy and love to work for. I’ve had some successes there lately and have really felt positive about making a good impact. Especially today. That may be helping somewhat.

One of my closest friends always has so much positivity for me and reminds me daily that I’m worth so much more than I give myself credit for.

It could also be the big bowl of vanilla yogurt, with granola, almonds, strawberries and blueberries that I just devoured. DELICIOUS!

Or the earl grey tea with bergamot. Mmmm…

Whatever it is… I’m in a fabulous mood today. I see the news and I read stuff online and sometimes I’m like “GADZOOKS! WHAT ON EARTH?!” and it just flat out reminds “Lady, you got it good. Thank GOD for that!”

🙂

Hope you all find something to be thankful for. If you do, let me know. HUGS TO ALL MY READERS!

Can I Change The World? May 17, 2010

I often wonder if I can change the world. I’ve heard people say “Sure.” I’ve heard people say “No way. You’re just one person.”

I’ve gone back and forth on it depending on how down I feel, but overall, I think I can.

I feel like if I concentrate hard enough on wishing people well, then well they shall get. Maybe not the well that they wish for, but the well that they need.  I want good for not just myself, but for all around me.

I need to start with myself. I need to forgive myself for the negative things I hold against myself. I need to accept that sometimes I make mistakes but that I can learn from them and move on, grow as a person and become bigger and better. I need to forgive and love myself.

In turn, if I forgive and love myself, I can forgive and love others for those same mistakes. I can see past their quirks and errors and love them as I should. I can view the world in the same loving and positive light that I should view it in.

I can smile at everyone peacefully and sincerely. I can wish everyone well with all truthful intent. I can pray for others and I can desire nothing but success and tranquility for them.

I can be contagious by passing that along… and then I can change the world.

Happy Mother’s Day May 9, 2010

Just wanted to wish a wonderful Mother’s Day to all the mamas in the world… to my own mother, of course, the most beautiful mama in the universe. 🙂 She’s done everything for us since I can remember (and way before that). She’s doted on us, loved on us, fought for us, taken care of us. You name it. She still does. She is my role model and shining star. Te quiero mucho, mamita linda.

To my Tias… my aunts… who I love very much… for their support and love… for their “carino” and their concern… for their humor… they’re like extra moms… Las quiero mucho.

To my Abuelitas… The one who recently went up to our dear Lord in Heaven and the one who is still here with us on Earth. My beautiful grandmas that I adore. Thank you for blessing me with your presence and knowledge and wisdom.

To my Mother-in-law… for raising my husband and his brothers… for taking me into her family… for being a kind, loving woman who always put motherhood before all else.

To my Baha’i moms… I have two… Two wonderful women that I am very blessed to have in my life… and I am unfortunately very bad at calling… one who I have known since I became a Baha’i and one who I met when I moved to Texas… both like family to me… both whom I love so much… especially for their support during my darkest moments… I love you both and think of you often. Thank you for your prayers and kind words.

To my mama friends… in NJ and TX who I always admire… for I know the work you do and the love you do it with. For understanding my trials and tribulations with my kids as I understand yours… for being like family to my boys and allowing us into yours…

To my endometriosis sister mamas… who so truly know how blessed we are to be mamas…

To all the mamas in the world… for making the world go round and round…

Thank you… Thank you…

Below is the painting my 6 year old son made of me… he named it his Beautiful Smiling Mommy. Sigh… I love being a mommy. ❤

Beautiful Smiling Mommy

Reminiscing About My Dog May 7, 2010

My doggie passed away in November. She was very old. VEEEEEEEERY old. Almost 18. Yup. Super old. 😉

She was the family dog. We got here when I was 15. I grew up with her but even after I moved out, she lived with my parents. She was still my doggie, as much as she was my everyone’s doggie. She was the Wonder Dog, as I had affectionately dubbed her. Near the Y2K era, she was affectionately dubbed the Millenium Dog. She was just the coolest!

When she was a feisty young pup, boy, was she hyper. ENERGEEEEE-TIC! She would hop up on your lap every chance she got. We got her from the local animal shelter. She was teeny-tiny. Fit in a large shoe box. My middle brother proudly brought her home, carrying her like a baby with her laying her head on his shoulder. My dad had approved a small dog and so my brother and my mother picked out the Wonder Dog.  My youngest brother and I were delighted when we saw her and were doting on her when my dad saw her and FREAKED. “That dog has to go back. That is NOT a small dog.” We were like “Dude, WHAT are you talking about?”  He said “Look at those paws! They’re huge! That dog is going to grow up to be a huge dog!” We were all like “DAD!!! No she’s not!” Outnumbered him and blew him off and kept the Wonder Dog.

60 pounds later, he may have been right, but by then, he adored her so it was ALL good. She may not have gotten to rottweiler size or anything like that, but she was a fairly decently sized “medium dog” – a-hem – certainly not the small dog he had envisioned in his stamp of approval. And while maybe only her head still fit in that initial shoe box, she was as cute as all cuteness can be and had won us all over.  She was the sloppy kisses and snuggles dog that got super excited with everyone and loved to play, ALL DAY.  All you had to was say “Here, girl” and she’d come running over like a nut and jump up on you, completely unaware of her own strength. It was fine with the guys – her 60 pounds wouldn’t knock them over… but back in the day… 16-year-old Antonia was merely 95 pounds (sigh) and would go flying to the ground with a happily kissing puppy licking her face. I loved the love – just did not LOVE the LOVE… you know what I’m sayin’? 🙂   My favorites were to have her chase me around the house and to blast music and dance. She would jump up on her hind legs and “dance” with me.

She actually lived with me for about 9 months when my parents first moved to Miami and I lived in NJ on my own.  She would sleep on my bed with me and keep me company. Every morning when my alarm went off, she would perk up and expect her daily “Good day” rubdown… I’d pet her head, back and belly and she’d let out her little “Wrrrrrrrr” sound. After a few minutes of that, I’d hop in the shower. She knew the rules. No dogs on my cool black pleather (plastic leather thus pleather) couches. Yet, every morning, when I got out of the shower, my black pleather couches had orange dog hair stuck on them via static. One morning, I turned on the shower but for some reason walked out of the bathroom to get something from the bathroom. There was the Wonder Dog, all wide-eyed, ears up, looking all “Oh, snap!” and trying to fly off the couch as if I didn’t catch her. 😛

We went on quite a few walks a day. If it was raining, we would just run out to the curb for her to do her thing, then run back inside. She knew the routine. She would shake off right by the doorstep, then run over to the hall closet and wait, tail wagging. I would open the closet and pull out the Wonder Dog towel. It was a white towel reserved for rainy days. I’d towel her off – give her the special “Rainy day” rubdown – and, and of course,  she’d let out her little “Wrrrrrrrr” sound.

Ah, Wonder Dog… we miss you, Ole Gal… Hope you’re enjoying stealing someone else’s cat’s food up there in Pet Heaven, you mischievous canine. 🙂 ❤

The Wonder Dog

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing May 1, 2010

“Mom!”

I roll over in my bed, pretending I didn’t hear it.

After a few seconds, it comes again, a little louder. “MOM!”

I grunt something unintelligible that no one but I could hear or understand but don’t actually move.

“MO-O-O-O-O-O-O-OM!!!”

I bolt upright in my bed, not nearly conscious enough to acknowledge my own name, but awake enough to know my 6-year-old had something that needed to be said. In what I call my “Glass-half-drunken-sailor-walk,” I traipse over to his room and in the cheeriest voice I can muster I say “Yes, my love?”

He cheerily responds “It’s morning. Good morning, mommy.”

I glance over at the clock in the corner of the nearly dark room and see a digital 6:13 laughing at me in red. I quickly realize that telling a 6-year-old that 6:13 a.m. on a Saturday does not constitute morning would be fruitless. Besides, the smile on his face is contagious. He leaps off his top bunk bed into my arms with such enthusiasm and a fantastic kiss on my cheek that suddenly it is indeed a glorious morning.

My little 4-year-old peanut on the bottom bunk suddenly perks up and also announces “Good morning, mommy.”

“Good morning, baby boys,” I smile at both of them.

“Mommy, do I have school today?” asks the 6-year-old.

“Nope. It’s Saturday,” I wink.

Both boys clap in glee and blurt out “It’s the weekend!”  They suddenly grab my hands and each other’s hands and start singing a silly song  -“Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daaaaaa” and spinning around the room with me. I burst out laughing, as do they. We sang and spun around for a minute or two till we crashed and collapsed on the ground, laughing and grabbing our sides.

It’s the weekend indeed! And Saturday, you make me feel like dancing!

Rain April 30, 2010

It’s pouring outside. Not quite a thunderstorm but raining. The clouds are grey, the sky is dark, the sun is somewhere hiding, even though it is, technically, daytime. Some would call it a gloomy day.

Not me. It looks FUN outside.

I have this itching burning urge to put on some rain boots and a poncho and just run out into the rain. To trample out into the puddles and splash with sheer abandon. To dance – just dance to the pitter patter of the rain drops on the rooftops – to the beat of the thunder, the swoosh of the wind, the rhythm of the gushes… just let my body go to the music. Tap tap in the puddles, splash splash in the water, get soaked in the fun, in the abandon, in the sheer freedom and liberty and let go of my inhibitions. Let the straightened tresses of my hair release their natural curliness with the water, let my makeup run slightly as the water hits my face, laugh out loud as the cold drops tickle me and my pants and shirt sleeves get wet…Let my cares wash away with the rain, down the street, into the gutters…

Laugh away all the cares in my life… if only for just a few minutes…

Today… despite the weather wherever you are… may love, light and tranquility rain down upon you and yours… 🙂

My Photography: Purple Berries April 29, 2010

Purple Berries

Kindness of the Soul April 28, 2010

It’s the kindness that does it. It could be in a split second. It could be in a lifelong friendship. It could be through a smile. Or a look. Or a hug. Or an emotion that radiates even through an e.mail. But it’s a kindness that just shines through, straight from the very core of a person’s soul.

I believe we all possess that kindness – we just don’t all display at all times. Maybe we keep it in reserve for those special people that we feel deserve it the most. Maybe we only let it loose on special occasions.  Or maybe it’s just a sporadic release that lets it hang out. Who knows how each of us operates.

What I do know is that I love the warmth I feel when I’m touched by it. Sometimes you feel it for a split second. A quick smile from a stranger on the street. Or a few minutes. A kind exchange with the nurse at the doctor’s office. Or you realize it’s there to stay. A new friendship with an amazingly kind soul. Whatever it is, that warmth has changed you and added to the kindness of your own soul. You now have more kindness to you. Thanks to that other warm, warm soul.

I’ve been blessed with many wonderful friends. Some I’ve kept for long periods of time, some for short periods, some I can tell will be here for life… some have been around forever, some have come to a point where the friendship has run its course, some have just joined the party and plan to be here till the end… either way, they’ve come for a purpose and I’m grateful for the kindness their souls have all brought. I love them all and have such appreciation and gratitude for the good times and lessons learned.

Like I said in the beginning, what makes that friendship special at that moment in time is what radiates from within: the kindness of the soul.